This is the last family picture we ever took. Jeremy is scowling because I said something that made him mad. No doubt I was trying to make a point about something in my effort to train him to be an upstanding man and father in society. I wish I had spent less time fighting with him. Looking back so many of those arguments really weren't worth it. Especially since they stole precious present moments from us that I can never get back.
This is about 6 months before I met you. Look, you're bigger than your sister, who's a whole year older than you! Those eyes were always so penetrating, like you could see right through to my soul...and you accepted me anyway. I think that's why we got along. That's probably why I felt so betrayed when you were turned against me. Why couldn't I have been a bigger person? Those times could have just flown by if I had let you see me for me instead of getting defensive.
Our first family photo. Look at the hope in your dad's eyes, look how straight and strong his shoulders are. His shoulders are stooped now and there is no light in his eyes. Look at your sister, that smile is gone. We know you would want us to be happy. You were the most giving person I knew besides your dad. We just can't make those feelings happen. I know that God has a plan.
Here's the first family photo of all five of us. You were so happy to be a big brother. You would hold Benjaman in your lap and just watch him. I wish I had fostered that more.
I miss you. I miss the relationship we could be having now. I wish our family wasn't so mired in grief. I know God has a plan. I know I will see you again. Until then I will see you in my dreams and enjoy every single second of it. I miss you and I love you, Jeremy.
