Some thoughts on homeschooling and our journey through life in semi-rural New Mexico.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I hate....
I hate that Jeremy died. I hate depression. I hate alienation. I hate what my life has become. I hate the pain of those around me. I don't want to see how God will use for good. I just want to go back.
I think those are all totally normal feelings. I just sent you a book had helped me. It's called No Death, No Fear and it is by a Buddhist monk. He argues that death doesn't actually exist. I'm still not sure I believe it but it causes me to wonder and that distraction is strangely comforting. I have friends that struggle with depression and they would say medication, exercise and getting involved in something (a project, planning a vacation, a hobby, etc.) are what helped them. I know this from hearing them struggle with it. On a personal note: I have long said that I think pain is necessary but suffering is optional. Sarah hates it when I tell her that. Especially when we are riding up the road to the crest on our bikes and we are really hurting. That is actually why I exercise. People ask me "Doesn't it hurt when you run?" and I reply "It does if you are doing it right." That type of pain is not the same as losing a child but I think they way you process and deal with it is very similar. That's my theory on why exercise helps. Of course you can be subjected to more pain than you can deal with at the moment and that isn't good. That's when it is time to call in help from your friends and family. 30 days in a hospital bed taught me that. The physical pain wasn't the hard part. It was the mental pain. It was feeling helpless. It was the shame of not being able to get out of bed and to the bathroom before you soiled yourself. I hope you aren't feeling that helpless and if you are, just know that your friends and family are here to help you. Call on them to help. There is nothing wrong with that. We all know that tomorrow it could be our turn in the barrel. -Ron
Thanks Ron! It's so hard to feel helpless and to have that feeling for such a long time! Everytime I think I have it licked it comes back and bites me! I'll look for the book.
2 comments:
I think those are all totally normal feelings. I just sent you a book had helped me. It's called No Death, No Fear and it is by a Buddhist monk. He argues that death doesn't actually exist. I'm still not sure I believe it but it causes me to wonder and that distraction is strangely comforting. I have friends that struggle with depression and they would say medication, exercise and getting involved in something (a project, planning a vacation, a hobby, etc.) are what helped them. I know this from hearing them struggle with it. On a personal note: I have long said that I think pain is necessary but suffering is optional. Sarah hates it when I tell her that. Especially when we are riding up the road to the crest on our bikes and we are really hurting. That is actually why I exercise. People ask me "Doesn't it hurt when you run?" and I reply "It does if you are doing it right." That type of pain is not the same as losing a child but I think they way you process and deal with it is very similar. That's my theory on why exercise helps. Of course you can be subjected to more pain than you can deal with at the moment and that isn't good. That's when it is time to call in help from your friends and family. 30 days in a hospital bed taught me that. The physical pain wasn't the hard part. It was the mental pain. It was feeling helpless. It was the shame of not being able to get out of bed and to the bathroom before you soiled yourself. I hope you aren't feeling that helpless and if you are, just know that your friends and family are here to help you. Call on them to help. There is nothing wrong with that. We all know that tomorrow it could be our turn in the barrel. -Ron
Thanks Ron! It's so hard to feel helpless and to have that feeling for such a long time! Everytime I think I have it licked it comes back and bites me! I'll look for the book.
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