Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Back to school

Well, I went back to school to finish my Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration with a concentration in Accounting.  Things have changed a lot in the 18 years I've been out of school.  Everything is done on the computer and through the internet.  There has been a learning curve. I'm starting slow, just 2 classes this semester.  I'll take 3 next semester.  Then hopefully I'll find a scholarship to cover the cost.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Flashback

8:00 am It's been a peaceful morning so far even though I forgot to set the alarm last night.  I woke up in time to feed the horses, chickens and dogs; to make myself breakfast and get ready for Bible Study.  I'm currently relaxing with my coffee.  Then the phone rings.  The caller id says University of New Mexico.  I don't know any reason I should be getting a call from UNM.  I answer.  A woman on the other end says, "Is this the Conklin residence?"  The butterflies think about starting in my stomach.  I say, "yes".  She says, "Are you a parent of Benjaman Conklin?"  The butterflies begin to rattle around, I feel the blood drain from my face and my heart start to pound.  "Yes," I say.  "What is your name, ma'am?" she asks.  "Cheryl," I croak out.

I'm flashing back almost 5 years to that call from Jeremy's mom.  "Is Bo there?" she asked.  It was obvious she was crying.  "He's outside, off our property.  What's wrong?  Can I do something?" I replied.  "Jeremy's been in an accident and he's being flown to Albuquerque, to UNM.  Can you go there?  I'm on my way from El Paso." she said.  Our whole world stopped.  Even then I thought, "Jeremy's an athlete, he's strong, he has a strong heart.  How can I convince his mom to let him recover with us?"  I had no idea that Jeremy was fighting for his life at that very moment.  I had absolutely no idea that in 3 hours a doctor would stand before us and say "We tried to resuscitate him for 45 minutes, far longer than usual because of his health and age"  At this point I'm smiling, thinking "that's my boy!  He's so strong!"  Then the doctor said, "I'm sorry, his heart quit.  There was too much damage to his brain."  WHAT?!  NO!  How can this be happening?  He had just recently broken from the bonds of hate pumped into him his whole life.  He had just, months before, came to visit us of his own free will, because HE wanted to.  The struggle of his childhood and fighting with his mother over Bo's rights as a father were over.  How could this be happening now?  Now that we had a chance to become a true family!  He had his life planned out.  He was happy and secure. Our entire world changed that day.  Our family began to crumble in that instant that Jeremy died.  I still haven't recovered.  Every time Ben leaves the house I worry that he'll never return and that I'll be standing there with the doctor getting the news about him.

Back to today. 8 am It seemed like an eternity before she said, "I'm calling to ask you a few questions about the driver's education class Benjaman took back in January."

I almost screamed at her.  It was all I could do to civilly answer her questions.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Counting my blessings...

There are some days when all I can do is count my blessings and ignore the things that I don't like.

A roof over my head.
Enough money to pay the bills.
A husband who loves me.
A son who loves me.
Dog ears to scruff.
I'm on the right side of the grass (although this one is debatable.  In paradise would be much better and easier).
Family and friends who would help me if they even knew I was having trouble, only I have no idea what I need to help.  I don't even know what to ask for or what to pray for.

Ok, I'll go work out and get some chores done.  Maybe pure manual labor will put things in perspective.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

My Flower Garden
 Tri-color glad.  It's my favorite but they were all so beautiful.
 Nasturtium, I forgot I planted it.  I plant it every year, but I must pull it thinking it's weeds.  This is the first year it's come up (that I know of, LOL) and bloomed.



This popped up under my holly hocks.  The flowers open in the morning and close in the afternoon.  It took over the flower bed and had lots of flowers.  I knew it was some kind of gourd or melon but it didn't put on anything.  Finally it put on a small green striped elongated melon.  So I thought, well it's a watermelon or pumpkin.  Now the mystery melon is solid green and getting round so I guess it's a pumpkin.  Mystery solved.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Rain!



It finally rained at our house today!  I know, everyone around has been getting regular rain.  We usually sit and watch the clouds go right around us without a drop.  Rainstorms provide beautiful sunsets!  This is the view to the south of our house.  It was so much prettier than the actual sunset tonight.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Our words...they mean something.

"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions."
                                                                                                                                Proverbs 18:2
In my soul exists the constant striving to just be quiet; to listen, see, experience life around me.  If I could only listen and comply more often than I do!


"A fool's lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating."
                                                                                                                                Proverbs 18:6
Think before speaking.  How will my words help this situation or person?


"A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul."
                                                                                                                               Proverbs 18:7
Words matter.  The things I say impact me deeply whether I realize it or not.


"The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."
                                                                                                                             Proverbs 18:8
Gossip seems harmless sometimes but it will infect you.


"He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame."
                                                                                                                             Proverbs 18:13
Wow!  I am so guilty of this!  This goes back to verse 2; if I could just listen and not try so hard to get MY point of view or position into the conversation things would go much smoother.


"A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?"
                                                                                                                        Proverbs 18:14
I must keep my spirit healthy and active in good times so I can lean on it in bad times.  If I allow it to be crushed for small reasons how can I possibly survive during the really hard times?

"The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out."
                                                                                                                          Proverbs 18:15
Another reminder to listen, see and experience.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

I'm still here...

I sit in the passenger seat while he's driving, getting his hours for his provisional license.  I remember teaching you to drive.  I remember all the conversations, meaningful and not, LOL.  I remember all the music you introduced me to, some of it I liked, LOL.  I remember the time you almost launched us off that overpass.  These are all fond memories.


I teach him to clean (up to my standards, of course, LOL) and remember what a great job you always did.  You learned quickly and did a great job.  I don't think I told you enough, if at all.  I'm sorry for that.  I wish I could have appreciated the positive more than I focused on the negative and the things that needed correcting.


I put my makeup on and remember teaching you how to wear makeup.  I shave my legs and remember teaching you to shave.  I curl my hair and remember you teaching me how to fix my hair in different ways.  I remember helping you dye your hair and talking your dad into letting you try different colors and the spikes.  These are fond memories.


We are intertwined.  I am who I am today because of your influence in my life.


I wish I could have told you then how important you are to me.  I am telling you now how important you are to me and that I love you.  I am here whenever you need me and whenever you are ready.  I will always be here for you.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The homeschooling journey...

"Homeschooling is like entering a lifeboat from a large cruise ship. The cruise ship - like some schools - is pleasant enough, but unfortunately travels in circles, seeming to go nowhere. Some passengers learn to handle of even enjoy the prescribed activities. Others openly rebel by acting out or spacing out.

One day, knowing there must be a better way, you and your family board a lifeboat to chart your own course. your children look to you for direction, and you smile back, a little scared and definitely lost. Uncertain of your destination, you look around the great big ocean from your tiny lifeboat, wave good-bye to the cruise ship, and start rowing.

That is how most families begin homeschooling. they dip their oars into the water and shove off, using the equipment available - their experience, learning materials in their homes, and free community resources. Eventually, they reach an island where they find other homeschooling families and learn about ta world of resources and opportunities. Their children begin to flourish, and they wonder why they ever had any doubts about leaving the ship."

Homeschooling the Teen Years by Cafi Cohen
This is such a good analogy!